


Forgiving you is my entire heart

by mickymilk



Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-27
Updated: 2019-06-27
Packaged: 2020-05-20 21:12:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,983
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19384756
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mickymilk/pseuds/mickymilk





	Forgiving you is my entire heart

He was in a fog. No. He was dreaming. This was a dream.

No. No it wasn't. As Ian sat in his cell, he couldn't help but feel like he was floating.

They made him take his meds. That's what changed. Something changed.

But I knew what to do. He thought. Did he see it? Can he find me? No. He won't find me. Not now. Not anymore. What was I thinking? I should have gone with him. What am I doing? I wonder if he saw me. I want him to see me. Please see me.

God I miss him.

I miss his scent. His warmth. The smile. The sound of his voice. His strong arms holding me up. The pink full lips that kiss me with love. I miss him. Will he come for me? Why should he. I didn't come for him. I should have went for him.

Can I get out of here? If I get out of here I can find him. Maybe he will want me still. He wants me. He loved me. No. He loves me.

I can be with him again.

What happened? How did I get here? He would have never allowed me to get to this point. He would have saved me. He always saves me. Saving me.

I can save him. That's why. That's why I let him go. I should have gone with him.

He is on a beach now. Somewhere far and warm. He is gone. Here you are and he is gone.

You can find him. Just get up. You can do it, just get up and find him. No. Your trapped.

 

"Ian Gallagher! Your bail has been posted." A guard said loudly as he unlocked the cell.

He felt like his mind was fuzzy. There was no clear channel, just white noise going on. Mechanically he stood up. The guard opened the cell. Ian followed him down the corridor to the front desk. A woman was there handing him his wallet and keys in a plastic bag. He didn't remember her.

"One wallet. One set of keys. Mr. Gallagher. Sign here and your free to go." She said in a monotone voice.

Ian signed what she handed him.

Free. No he wasn't free. He would only be free with him.

As he stepped outside the precinct and took a deep breathe he only had one clear thought in his mind. "It's time to be free."

 

 

**6 months later**

Ian spent the next 6 months getting his meds adjusted and falling in and out of conciousness between reality and the fog. But one thing remained clear. It was time to be free and be free with Mickey. He had lost his job as an EMT and slowly but surely his fanbase from his church days had dwindled and left him. He was ok with that. He needed to healthy and medicated. For Mickey. This was for Mickey. He could do this, he needed to do this for him. He deserved it. After everything Mickey had done for him, after the pain and suffering, after the chaos of terrible timing and their never ending madness in their lives, Ian and Mickey belonged together. That much Ian knew. Trevor hadn't come back to him after everything died down, in fact he had run in the other direction and Ian was grateful for it. He wanted nothing to do with him. He was a distraction that was furtile and a waste of time in his opinion. He had spent the past year chasing and doing all the wrong moves, what he should have been doing was getting better, saving money, getting his shit together and going after the man he loved.

Now he just hoped he wasn't too late. For all he knew, Mickey had moved on.

After Svetlana and Yevgeny left to live a rich life with the old man, Ian only had Mandy left to try and get Mickey's whereabouts. After months of struggling with her, she finally caved and gave him the last place she remembered Mickey had contacted her from. Matamoros, Tamaulipas, Mexico. Ian made sure he was ready. He was ready. He left a letter for his entire family and took off.

 

**3 weeks later**

It was sweltering hot in Mexico and Ian had used up almost 2 bottles of sunscreen, although he was loving the tan his skin was now getting adjusted too. He had finally reached his destination and now all he had to do was look for Mickey. The population in the town was extremely small. Under 1,000 people given that there was only one market and it was mostly used for fishing and exports. The water was clear and beautiful. He went to the grocery store Bodega Dona Queta to get some more water and sunscreen before he decided to pull out his Mickey picture and start asking around. As he walked out the store and to the water he threw off his sandals and waded in the water. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He was ready to be free. All he needed was Mickey. Just as Ian was about to open his eyes he heard a voice " Que estas haciendo rojo?"

Ian jolted at the voice. He knew that voice... Turning slowly he saw him. There he was standing in the hot mexican sun. He was wearing a cut off white tee and black board shorts. His skin was tanned his black hair was a shade lighter than when he last saw him. He had a cigarette dangling from his hand and he was biting that bottom lip staring back at Ian. His eyes were shaded over with black sunglasses and Ian thought he was going to die from happiness at the sight of him. He was perfect and he was free.

"Mickey." He whispered. His mind and body returned to normal and he lunged forward without thinking. The next thing he knew he had his face in his hands and he was covering his mouth with his. He tasted like nicotine and peppermint, he could smell the sand mixed with sweat and sun on his skin and pure Mickey. Ian flicked his tongue across his lips and as quick as it happened was as quick as he was being shoved off.

"The fuck Ian, what the fuck are you doing here? Shouldn't your ass be in Chicago. Look at you, gonna burn down here like a motherfucker." Mickey said as he backed up to keep distance from Ian.

Ian was trying to wake from his state of shock. He got his jumbled thoughts in order before he spoke.

"Mickey... I needed you. I needed to find you. I... I left. I am so sorry I let you go Mick. I love you. I really really love you. Im sorry it took me this long to figure out that I really need you but I do. Please just tell me you still love me. Cause I love you Mickey. I love you and I am not gonna stop loving you. I promise I can prove to you that I am in this." Ian rushed out in a pleading voice.

Mickey put up his hand and stopped Ian from continuing. "So let me get this straight. You up and left home, to come to me, even though you left me, and now you want to be with me, cause you love me?" Mickey asked.

"Yes Mickey. I love you." Ian said again. Wanting nothing more than to just be in his arms. Mickey looked like he was having an internal debate of his own before he just started shouting.

"Fuck Ian, you can't just do that! You can't just fucking come here and think it's ok! What about your fucking family Ian!? Don't you have some fancy boyfriend now? Huh? What the fuck! You think you could just come here and I would let you just come back to me like I am some bitch for you! I spent fucking months Ian... fucking months waiting for you to change your mind. Waiting for you to come to me. I EVEN CONTACTED MANDY TO SEE IF YOU WOULD AND NOW YOU WANT ME!? NOW YOU FUCKING LOVE ME? What happened huh? You get tired of 'having your shit together' HUH!?" Mickey looked exhausted as he yelled it all out.

Ian took a deep breath. "I can't change what's happened Mick. But I am here and I am not going anywhere. You have been the one here for me and no one else. I have lost you so many times and some of those times have been by my hand. But I won't ever leave you or let you go. You are it for me Mickey. I love you and I will never stop loving you or telling you I love you. Just please tell me there is no one else. That you are mine as I am yours. Please Mickey. I am here. I am here for you and me. We belong together." Ian said softly as he was now standing closer to Mickey. The water lapping at their legs cooling down both men as their hearts beating faster and the hot sun starting to dwindle into a sunset.

Mickey looked like he was torn. He took off his sunglasses and Ian realized his eyes were filled wtih moisture. Those big blue eyes Ian loved so much were now filled with tears looking at Ian with pure frustration and yet filled with love. Yes he loved him. Ian could see it.

Mickey looked down as he felt tears fall from his eyes. He had waiting for this day for months and here it was. His heart was beating so fast and hard Mickey was sure it was going to come out of his chest. Ian Gallagher in all his glory was standing before him professing his love like some goddamn hallmark card. Mickey finally looked up at him and took a deep shaky breath. "You know there will never be anyone else man. Your under my skin forever. But...How can I trust you? How can I ever know that you won't think being with me is not having your life together. Come on Ian... How can I know your in this. I'm a fugitive." Mickey sadly replied dropping his head once again. Fuck Ian Gallagher could rip him to shreds without a second thought and Mickey would be right back to square one.

Ian took the step towards him and put his finger under Mickeys chin to force his face up towards him. He looked into those bright blue eyes, bringing his hand to carefully hold his face and swiped his thumb to catch the tear from falling. Ian used his other hand to take his own sunglasses off so Mickey could see Ian had tears in his eyes as well. Mickey's eyes widened at the sight of him. Mickey's hand shot out to Ians waist and gripped in his shirt to tug him closer. Both men staring into each others eyes, tears brimming and the fog clearing from both of their minds.

Without tearing his gaze from Mickey's, Ian softly said "I know because... You make me free Mickey."

Mickey's eyes widened and he latched his lips against Ian's. They kissed hungrily, as if they starved for one another, they kissed filled with passion and love. Love that couldn't be altered, love that couldn't be taken away or changed. Unconditional love that was theirs.

"I love you Mickey Milkovich. Forever and Always. Let me show you how much and hopefully one day you can forgive me" Ian whispered against his lips.

As the sun was setting behind them, they kissed and held onto each other and they knew it was a start and they were finally free.


End file.
